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Your Best Joke

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richrd Avatar
richrd rich stone
omaha, USA   USA
At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.

Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.

He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white patriarchal society . "In fact", he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society".

After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?"

"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery", asked the couple?

"Because I am the artist, who painted the picture", he replied, "In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all.

They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch"


[​IMG]



'64 spitfire
and a bunch of brit bikes

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richrd Avatar
richrd rich stone
omaha, USA   USA
A very self-important college freshman was attending a recent football game.
He took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it
was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.

"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the student
said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. "The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing, and....," as he paused to take another drink of beer.

The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young........so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little shithead, what are you doing for the next generation?"

The applause was deafening. I just love senior citizens!!!



'64 spitfire
and a bunch of brit bikes

clshore Carter Shore
Beverly Hills, FL, USA   USA
Dilbert imagines what happens when our autonomous self driving cars develop personalities of their own …

What 'personality' would a Spitfire have ?

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Attachments:
Dilbert.selfDrivingCar.IMG_1456.jpg    26.1 KB
Dilbert.selfDrivingCar.IMG_1456.jpg

Doug in Vegas Avatar
Doug in Vegas Douglas D
Las Vegas, NV, USA   USA
In reply to # 1594947 by clshore What 'personality' would a Spitfire have ?


TheZster Avatar
TheZster Steven Z
SAINT LOUIS, MO, USA   USA
1978 Triumph 1500 "BLK-BRY"
In reply to # 1594949 by Doug in Vegas
In reply to # 1594947 by clshore What 'personality' would a Spitfire have ?


W/out the freakin 12 cylinder Rolls Royce Merlin III.....

Z


Attachments:
Piper_Cub_SP-AWP_Radom_9623.jpg    44.4 KB
Piper_Cub_SP-AWP_Radom_9623.jpg

Rburgess Avatar
Rburgess Randy Burgess
Fresno, CA, USA   USA
Billy died…His will provided $30,000 for this elaborate funeral.
As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Joyce, turned to her oldest and dearest friend, Jonelle.
“Well, I’m sure Billy would be pleased,” she said.
“I’m sure you’re right,” replied Jonelle, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
“How much did this really cost?”
“All of it,” said Joyce … “Thirty thousand dollars.”
“No!” Jonelle exclaimed. “I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?”
Joyce answered, “The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church.
The whiskey, wine, food and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone.”
Jonelle quickly computed the total of $7,500 and said “$22,500 for a Memorial Stone? My God, how big is it?”
Joyce answered, “Two and a half carats.”

MHKflyer52 Avatar
MHKflyer52 Martin Keller
Ventura, CA, USA   USA
In reply to # 1595155 by Rburgess Billy died…His will provided $30,000 for this elaborate funeral.
As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Joyce, turned to her oldest and dearest friend, Jonelle.
“Well, I’m sure Billy would be pleased,” she said.
“I’m sure you’re right,” replied Jonelle, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
“How much did this really cost?”
“All of it,” said Joyce … “Thirty thousand dollars.”
“No!” Jonelle exclaimed. “I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?”
Joyce answered, “The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church.
The whiskey, wine, food and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone.”
Jonelle quickly computed the total of $7,500 and said “$22,500 for a Memorial Stone? My God, how big is it?”
Joyce answered, “Two and a half carats.”

Now Joyce is smart and spent it correctly.........



Martin Keller
Ventura, CA.
1971 Triumph GT6 (A work always in progress.)

MHKflyer52 Avatar
MHKflyer52 Martin Keller
Ventura, CA, USA   USA
In reply to # 1595155 by Rburgess Billy died…His will provided $30,000 for this elaborate funeral.
As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Joyce, turned to her oldest and dearest friend, Jonelle.
“Well, I’m sure Billy would be pleased,” she said.
“I’m sure you’re right,” replied Jonelle, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.
“How much did this really cost?”
“All of it,” said Joyce … “Thirty thousand dollars.”
“No!” Jonelle exclaimed. “I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?”
Joyce answered, “The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church.
The whiskey, wine, food and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the Memorial Stone.”
Jonelle quickly computed the total of $7,500 and said “$22,500 for a Memorial Stone? My God, how big is it?”
Joyce answered, “Two and a half carats.”

Now Joyce is smart and spent it correctly.........



Martin Keller
Ventura, CA.
1971 Triumph GT6 (A work always in progress.)

Falkon Avatar
Falkon Al Martin
Appleton, WI, USA   USA
Jimmy had a problem understanding word problems. His teacher said for example, "Three birds are on a wire . You
throw a stone and knock one off. How many are left?"

"None", says Jimmy. You hit one and scare the other two away. "Wrong said the teacher, but I like the way you think"

"Can I try", asked Jimmy. " Three ladies on a park bench eating popsicles. One bites it, two lick it. Which is married"?

Teacher says "Jimmy that's terrible". "Why says Jimmy. The one w/ the wedding ring. But I like the way you think".

Jerrywar Silver Member Jerry Warner
Auburn, CA, USA   USA
Elderly couple in doctors office receiving instructions for their next visit:
Doc:
Now Harold, next time I'll need samples of your urine, blood, semen and stool. OK, can you do that?

Harold:
Got it!
On the way out of the office he says to his wife:
I forget what he asked for. What am I supposed bring again?

Wife:
He wants you to bring in a pair of your shorts.

spitfire50 Avatar
spitfire50 Paul Mugford
Rochester, N.H., USA   USA
Marriage can be like a card game:
When it starts you only need two hearts.....
Then there is a diamond....
But when it gets bad all you want is a club...
and a spade

Doug in Vegas Avatar
Doug in Vegas Douglas D
Las Vegas, NV, USA   USA


Looks like the one I used to buzz lakes in Michigan. You have a point. IFR only, minimum gauges and drafty with the top up.

Fictioneer Avatar
Fictioneer Doug Hirt
Colorado Springs, CO, USA   USA
Nice Cub. Low and slow is the way to go.



"Mr. Filby, do you think he'll ever return?"
"One cannot choose but wonder. You see . . . he has all the time in the world!"

Bruce Cunha Avatar
placerville, CA, USA   USA
1950 MG TD
1967 MG MGB GT
Little Johnny said.

Old people at weddings always poke me and say "You're Next"

So I started doing the same to them at funerals.

Spitnut64 Avatar
Spitnut64 Gold Member John Mills
Milwaukee, WI, USA   USA
1970 Triumph Spitfire MkIII "Sarah Jane"
LOL, good one Bruce!


I for 1 like Roman Numerals.


smoking smiley



"Given enough time, an amateur can build anything.”

- Bob Hicks (as quoted in the 1997 "Mariner’s Book Of Days"winking smiley

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