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carChips Avatar
carChips Victor Harnish
Kelowna, BC, Canada   CAN
1933 MG Magnette
1973 Triumph Spitfire 1500 "Chip"
1989 GMC Sierra 1500 "Bush Truck"
I got on an elevator with a busty woman yesterday. She said "Please press one", I don't remember much after that!



'S all for now
Vic

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frandrum Frank D
Warminster, PA, USA   USA
Fridays:
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing
every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.
On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness,
feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs
she had endured.
Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the therapist
got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand,
he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband
watched - with a raised eyebrow.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife
needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, ...............
But on Fridays I work on the Spitfire!

scardini1 Avatar
scardini1 Gold Member Jim Moscardini
Great Mills, MD, USA   USA
1968 Triumph GT6 "Rocinante"
2003 Jaguar XKR "Kitty"
OK, .... THIS one I have GOT to use! - lol

grinning smiley

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docman Avatar
docman Bob Harris
Dearborn, Michigan, USA   USA
1972 Triumph GT6 MkIII "SOLD"
1983 Ford Mustang "Daddy's"
2007 Saab 95 Wagon "SOLD"
2013 Ford Focus "SOLD"    & more
Absolutely!

docman Avatar
docman Bob Harris
Dearborn, Michigan, USA   USA
1972 Triumph GT6 MkIII "SOLD"
1983 Ford Mustang "Daddy's"
2007 Saab 95 Wagon "SOLD"
2013 Ford Focus "SOLD"    & more
I was is sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig.

Well, what cha gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I suddenly burst into tears.

"Oh, come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."

"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with the gardener, and then my dog bit me.

"So I came to this bar to work up the courage to end it all. I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you, you idiot, show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?"

docman Avatar
docman Bob Harris
Dearborn, Michigan, USA   USA
1972 Triumph GT6 MkIII "SOLD"
1983 Ford Mustang "Daddy's"
2007 Saab 95 Wagon "SOLD"
2013 Ford Focus "SOLD"    & more
Working people frequently ask us retired people what we do to make our days interesting.

Well, for example, just the other day my wife and I went into town and visited a shop, browsing for a while.

When we came out, there was a parking meter cop writing out a parking ticket.

I went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a
senior citizen a break?'

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him an Asshole.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having
worn-out tires. So Liz called him a Shithead.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with
the first. Then he started writing more tickets.

This went on for about ten minutes. The more we abused him, the
more tickets he wrote.

Just then ... our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.

We weren't too concerned about the vehicle's owner because of
the bumper sticker:

"My other car is an MG".

christrish Avatar
christrish Chris B
Lehi, Utah, USA   USA
New sign that I printed & laminated for my shop. Love you guys!



Working to take the "D" out of DPO since 2013
Follow my restoration progress: http://73spitfire1500.blogspot.com

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Attachments:
labor rate sign.jpg    52.9 KB
labor rate sign.jpg

Tonyfixit Avatar
Tonyfixit Tony M
Duncan, British Columbia, Canada   CAN
In reply to # 1488624 by christrish New sign that I printed & laminated for my shop. Love you guys!

I might add:

Disdainful looks are still free!

docman Avatar
docman Bob Harris
Dearborn, Michigan, USA   USA
1972 Triumph GT6 MkIII "SOLD"
1983 Ford Mustang "Daddy's"
2007 Saab 95 Wagon "SOLD"
2013 Ford Focus "SOLD"    & more
The Psychiatrist and The Proctologist


Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel.

Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist, and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading: Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors. The town council was livid and insisted they change it.

The docs changed it to read: Schizoids and Hemorrhoids. This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign to read Catatonics and High Colonics - no go.

Next they tried Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives – thumbs down again.

Then came Minds and Behinds - still no good. Another attempt resulted in Lost Souls and Butt Holes - unacceptable again!

So they tried Nuts and Butts - no way. Freaks and Cheeks - still no good. Loons and Moons – forget it. Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with:

Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones - Specializing in Odds and Ends.

Everybody loved it.

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docman Avatar
docman Bob Harris
Dearborn, Michigan, USA   USA
1972 Triumph GT6 MkIII "SOLD"
1983 Ford Mustang "Daddy's"
2007 Saab 95 Wagon "SOLD"
2013 Ford Focus "SOLD"    & more
T W E L V E CHILDREN?! . . .

A lawyer, who had a wife and 12 children, needed to move because his rental agreement was terminated by the owner who wanted to reoccupy the home.
But he was having a lot of difficulty finding a new house.

When he said he had 12 children, no one would rent a home to him because they felt that the children would destroy the place.
He couldn't say he had no children, because he couldn't lie---we all know lawyers cannot and do not lie.
So he sent his wife for a walk to the cemetery with 11 of their kids.
He took the remaining one with him to see rental homes with the real estate agent.

He loved one of the homes and the price was right.

The agent asked: "How many children do you have?
He answered: "Twelve."
The agent asked: "Where are the others?"
The lawyer, with his best courtroom sad look answered: "They're in the cemetery with their mother."


MORAL: It's not necessary to lie, one only has to choose the right words...and don't forget, most politicians are unfortunately lawyers.

Falkon Avatar
Falkon Al Martin
Appleton, Wisconsin, USA   USA
"What should be done about the North Korean border?"
"Throw him out if he doesn't pay his rent."



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2017-11-08 02:35 PM by Falkon.

mkivmarty Avatar
mkivmarty Marty Yanik
N.E.Ohio, USA   USA
The lady next door had triplets a couple of years ago. Three boys, Mathew, Patrick and Theodore, or as her husband called them, Matt, Pat and Tat. She wanted to breast feed them, but......

Marty



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 2017-11-08 03:21 PM by mkivmarty.

SS2013MaxTow Avatar
SS2013MaxTow Silver Member Steven Slay
Ovilla, Texas (TX), USA   USA
At least there was tit-for-tat!

docman Avatar
docman Bob Harris
Dearborn, Michigan, USA   USA
1972 Triumph GT6 MkIII "SOLD"
1983 Ford Mustang "Daddy's"
2007 Saab 95 Wagon "SOLD"
2013 Ford Focus "SOLD"    & more
Now I get it, duh........

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